Almost as long as I’ve known I have PCOS, I’ve known that it causes insulin resistance. I’ve also known that this condition can lead to weight gain, and put me more at risk of secondary issues like diabetes and heart disease. When I do gain weight it accumulates mostly in my belly area and that is not a good thing. This visceral fat surrounds organs and may release toxins into the body.
Over the years I have definitely struggled with my weight. I’ve used Weight Watchers successfully to get the weight off several times, even going as far as reaching “lifetime” by maintaining below my goal weight for six weeks. I managed to stay at that weight for several months, but once I relaxed my eating habits the weight piled on.
Before getting pregnant I was approaching my heaviest again, but between food aversions and morning sickness I actually managed to lose weight in the first trimester. Post pregnancy I actually weighed less than my pre pregnancy weight. But that didn’t last. In the aftermath of that pregnancy and as I tried to heal both mentally and physically it was not easy to be mindful of what I ate.
I really developed a screw-that mentality. I’d think about eating healthy, think about the kinds of foods my body needs, I knew I needed to lower my sugar intake, and try and cut out those simple carbohydrates… But I craved the dopamine. So screw-that I’m having icecream, pizza, chips, perogis, potatoes, pasta, pop, cereal, burgers… You get it.
Now I’m at a new record for my heaviest. My pants are tight. I look in the mirror and I’m disappointed. I know how to fix this, and I know it’s important to fix this before I get much heavier, because every time I have to lose this weight it is harder than the time before. But once I gain control of my eating, I don’t even crave the bad stuff anymore. It’s just getting over that first hurdle and then the very slow process of working of the excess weight.
My first goal is to make it a week with mindful eating. Tracking my meals and making sure that the food I put in my body is good for me and not just a short burst of feel-good chemicals. We’ll see how I do!