Saturday I got to have brunch with a dear friend. One thing that I am loving with this pregnancy is that I CAN EAT!!! I have had no food aversions (yet) and I have a healthy appetite. Bee likes sweet and creamy things. I had crepes with bananas, strawberries and nutella and a glass of chocolate milk. Oh, and bacon. Can’t forget the bacon! It was so good seeing my friend again, even though our visit wasn’t a very long one, it was so nice to just sit and chat.
On my way home from brunch I felt energized from just being out of the house. I called David (using hands free, talking to the car computer to dial, for safety) I asked him if he wanted to go out to do stuff with me. We went to Babies R Us, the closest one to our house is a half hour drive away. We went and looked at car seats and cribs and mattresses and we know for sure what crib we want and we found a decent mattress. We gawked at the prices of the car seats, and cringed at the though that we could spend upwards of $150 on a “bucket” type car seat now and after nine months of use have to shell out another couple hundred for another car seat. We went looking at the car seat/stroller combos, but with a winter baby, would we get much use out of a car seat/stroller combo?
When we were done in Babies R Us, we wandered through the Toys R Us part for a bit, but I hit the end of my stamina and soon we had to get back to the car. It was nice to be able to sit for a half hour back to our city. We had coupons for Marble Slab, and we decided to get desert before dinner. I usually get the same thing or quite similar each time we go, but for some reason this time I got mint ice cream. Weird. It wasn’t bad, but I think I’ll get something different next time.
We went for dinner in the north end of town. I had shrimp and pasta in a white wine creme sauce (it was a little spicy!) and a garden salad. David had a huge hamburger! On the way home we stopped at the yarn store so that I could pick up some yarn for a new project I’m starting. I took my bump picture after all that eating, so I think this one is mostly food baby!
Sunday we went to a baby shower for some more old friends. I ended up winning one of the games! Everyone got a safety pin, and the goal was not to say the word Baby, if someone catches you saying the word baby, they can steal your pin. The person with the most pins wins. My ears are pretty tuned to the word Baby right now, so I ended up catching a bunch of people saying the word. The person in second place for most pins got all his pins from me. I am good at hearing the word Baby, I’m not so good at not saying it.
I was really excited about the gift David and I were giving our friends. I had started making it pretty much as soon as they told us they were expecting, and I was very happy that they liked it. We had a lot of fun chatting with the other guests as well. There was good food, good conversations and good laughter. I’m excited for the chance the Bee and their baby can grow up to be friends.
On Monday I had a pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist. We discussed my medical history, including the problems that I have had with anesthetic (both local and general) in the past. He said that they would be putting me to sleep for the procedure on Thursday and that they would be using a modern anesthetic that is safe for pregnancy. Though the medication does cross the placental barrier. That makes me worry for Bee. Because I have had difficulty waking from anesthetic in the past and because I have had other reactions like visual and audio hallucinations from the stuff. I don’t want Bee to experience anything scary and I don’t want Bee to be put out and unable to wake up again. The doctor said that such a small amount of the drug gets to the baby and it’s metabolized quickly, the baby will just be groggy and lazy for a couple of hours. I hope that’s the worst of it.
We went to my sister and brother in law’s for dinner on Monday, we had Taco Salad and some good visiting. I also went for a swim with my sister. The water felt wonderful. I was in the pool for quite a while, moving around, being upright, and no pain. I only got out because I needed to pee. As soon as I was out of the water it was like my uterus crashed into my bladder and I had to RUN to the washroom! After dinner and a desert of ice cream (don’t judge), I had mint-chocolate chip, my sister and I went for a walk up and down her street. My digestion seems to stop at around 7-8pm, and after that food just kind of sits like a brick. I felt great on the walk. And when we got back to the house I was happy that I hadn’t overdone it. Sitting in the car, on the way home it became clear that I had overdone it. I was in so much pain, I had a hard time getting out of the car. Walking from the car to the elevator and from the elevator to the apartment was tough and I had to use a lot of mind over matter to not freak out. I felt like my pelvis was being ripped in two. I lay down on the couch and David had to go to work, there was a problem that needed to be solved post haste. I turned on Netflix and put on an episode of DS9. I focused on my breathing and kept reminding myself that I was okay, that I have felt this pain before, that there’s no blood, and I’m okay. I just need to relax and let my body rest. Almost half way into the episode, I realized I had no clue what was going on. I restarted it and focused on the story. When I got to the point where I had restarted it the first time, I realized that at some point the pain had stopped and I actually was following the episode! I am really proud of myself that I managed to stay on top of my anxiety and get through that experience without crying or having trouble breathing or ending up with a stress headache.
On Tuesday I went back over to my sister and brother in law’s with the intent of swimming again. After the cerclage, I won’t be allowed to swim or even take a bath. So I dropped David off at work and went to my sister’s. I stole a banana, and ate it. It was good. Then, I napped. It just kind of happened. Another of my sisters and her son came by to have lunch with me and my mom and to enjoy the pool with me. We went out to a “beef bistro” and none of us had beef! My mom my sister and I each had a salad and my nephew had Hawaiian pizza. We all shared onion rings too. Then we went back to the house for a swim. I stayed in the pool again until the need to pee had me getting out and again it was so much worse as soon as I was out of the water! Soon after that it was time to return home. David and I had a quiet evening together, enjoying each other’s company.
Wednesday I had some errands to run. I started off frustrated as I drove around by myself. I didn’t really want to be alone, but I had stuff to do, and David had to work, and I decided to make the best of it. I set the GPS to take me on back roads to my destination, it was going to take me longer than the highway, but that was fine by me. I had good music on the radio, I had Bee with me. It was a beautiful day. I was going to make it good. I tried to ignore my nerves about the cerclage procedure the next day. And for the most part, while I was out, I succeeded.
David and I had chicken and fresh corn on the cob for dinner. Mine was dripping with butter. It was so good! I wasn’t going to be allowed to eat after 6:30am, so we made sure we had a good dinner, and then icecream for desert. I was having a tug of war inside my mind about whether or not Bee and I should be put under general anesthetic (which I have had trouble with in the past) was the cerclage really worth the risk to me and to Bee?
That night, at around 1am, I had quite the panic attack. I felt something that reminded me of how it felt when I was losing Lily, when most of her body was outside the safety of my womb and I was feeling her little kicks in exactly the wrong place. I got out of bed, convinced that my body had let another perfect and healthy baby go. Convinced that we were too late again. I went to the washroom to check, and everything seemed fine, no blood, no pain, but I wasn’t convinced. I grabbed my Doppler knowing that we had had no success finding Bee’s heartbeat with a doppler yet. I lay on the couch and searched for the galloping of my wee baby’s heart. It didn’t take long to find that amazing sound, about two inches below my belly button, definitely inside my womb and nice and far away from my pelvis. I sat there for quite a while, just listening. And unlike his or her sister, Bee let me listen, Bee didn’t play hide and seek. It was as if Bee knew that mom needed him or her to stay right there. That panic attack left me with clarity. It took away my nerves about the procedure. It made it clear to me that I don’t trust my body to keep this baby safe because it failed with Lily, and the doctor feels the same for the same reasons. This procedure is the best we can do to prevent that from happening again. I can’t lose this baby the way I lost Lily.
At 6am I got up and made toast, the last solid food I’d have until after the surgery. David got up with me and did some work while he could. After I finished my toast I went back to sleep for a bit. I was allowed clear fluids (including jello) until 11. I scarfed down as much jello as I could before I ran out of time. I was so hungry! After 11 I wasn’t allowed anything to drink (not even a sip of water) until after the procedure. We arrived at the hospital around 1:30 to check in, and I was given a bed and a gown and an IV with antibiotics. David got to stay with me, and we passed the time chatting and entertaining ourselves on our phones. David had also brought his laptop and with about an hour to go until m surgery, we started watching the first episode of DCs Legends of Tomorrow. We got to the climax of the episode, where all the people had gotten separated and fights were breaking out and it’s all like “Oh no, what are they going to do?” When it was my turn to go down to the OR. I gave David a hug and a kiss, I told him that I loved him, put my hands on my belly, and got wheeled away. I walked from the stretcher in the hall into the OR and got onto the operating table. It was really cold in there! There were two boards beside the operating table for my arms to go on and they had to strap my arms down, the nurse explained that they did this because sometimes as patients are falling asleep, they try to roll over and end up falling off the table. She did the straps up so loosely that I couldn’t even feel them. Once I was laying down, and strapped in they put a warm blanket over my legs and another one over my arms. Then Doctor M put freezing cold ultrasound jelly on my belly and I got to see Bee on a portable ultrasound. I got to see his or her little heart beating, and see that he or she was safe and sound in my uterus, right where Bee was supposed to be. Then they started their OR check list, and the anesthesiologist started me on the medication. I kept my eyes closed and kept breathing deeply. The next thing I remember was in the recovery room. They had a nurse sit beside me the whole time I was in there. I was pretty groggy, but she kept the conversation going and checked my vitals every so often. She asked me questions like my name, and where I am and stuff like that , but also just chatted about life and things. after about an hour they sent me back to the room I had started in. I met David there and he and my sister spelled each other off staying with me. After another hour I was allowed to leave. David went and grabbed the car while my sister kept me company.
The car ride and getting from the car into our apartment were the absolute worst parts of the whole experience! But once I was in, I got comfy on the couch, and then my sister went and got food for all of us.
Friday morning I woke up feeling much better than I had felt when I went to sleep. We had to go to the fertility clinic for our last appointment with Doctor H. It’s weird knowing that we won’t be going back to her as patients again. We are looking forward to bringing Bee in for a visit, but we won’t be doing any more cycle monitoring, no more blood tests, no more HSGs or Sonos, no more pregnancy tests, no more rounds of fertility medications. That stage of our lives is over. Crazy!
I had to have my Harmony NIPT blood redrawn because the first test got all messed up, so we won’t be finding out if Bee is Tobias or Anika until August 2nd. Then I went in for my Neuchal Translucency scan. We could only do external ultrasounds so the tech was limited in what angles she could get of Bee, and Bee was not in a cooperative mood. He or she was sitting low in my uterus, and with his or her head down. We tried having me get up, walk around, empty my bladder a bit, cough, laugh… nothing worked. Bee was having none of it. In the end she did get some okay shots to be able to measure Bee with, and the NT scan showed Bee’s neck and nose developing normally. A little piece of me was worried that Bee was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic, because he or she wasn’t moving around a whole lot when a week prior he or she was doing back flips. But it was probably just nap time in there, and last week Bee only started performing for the internal ultrasound ans was pretty calm for the external. so chances are my baby is fine.
Friday night David had wanted to go out for a nice meal, but even though I’m pretty comfy lounging around, sitting upright is still not so much fun. Not to mention the idea of wearing real pants instead on baggy pj pants was totally unappealing. So we had perogis, meatballs and carrots at home. After dinner David decided he wanted apple crumble. I thought that was a wonderful idea! What better way to end the week, than chillin’ on the couch with my hubby beside me and our baby growing safely inside me, eating apple crumble and watching Star Trek Deep Space Nine?
This week was quite something, but in the end I’d say it was a good week.