To me it feels like I have one short week followed by one long week. During the short week I get to see Anika, I get to know that she’s still kicking and dancing and doing well, and I get to take a picture or two of her home with me. Then within a few days I see the doctor, and get reassurance that not only is Anika fine, but so am I. No infections, blood pressure still good, and I might even get to hear from the doctor that my cervix is still doing it’s job of keeping her safe inside my womb. During the long week I just have to trust that the good news of the week before is still true. I occasionally listen to her on the Doppler, but I’m cautious with that because I know that if I can’t find her it might trigger a massive bout of anxiety. During the long week I try to find distractions and I try not to give in to the anxiety monster as it quietly slithers back into my mind further and further as the start of the next week approaches.
This week was one of the long weeks, but this week didn’t feel as long.
On Saturday David, my mom, and I all went on a little adventure to Paris (Ontario) in the pouring rain so that I could check out the yarn selection at Mary Maxim. I was looking for very specific colours to make a very special blanket for Anika. When we got there David and I were both expecting the entire store to be devoted to yarn, it was not. Only the back third of the store was yarn, but even still they had a great selection to choose from . I actually had not only all the right colours, but all the right colours in the same type and make of yarn! And not only that, I had more than one make/type of yarn to choose from because there were all (or almost all) the colours I needed in more than one type of yarn! I probably spent too long touching the yarn and thinking about what to choose. Once I had made my choice (and probably overestimated the amount of yarn I’ll need, we paid (less than I was expecting) and went to get lupper. We went to a local pub place called The Cobblestone Public House that David had found out about through Google. They had a sun room area in the back that overlooked a ravine. That area was full, so we settled for close to the back. The food was yummy and the serving sizes were pretty much perfect!
I have a bunch of different pregnancy trackers that I look use to varying degrees, I usually read through them all over the course of the weekend. According to one, and I can’t remember which one, I should start showing soon. I had to laugh at that because I think I popped pretty early with Anika! I’ve definitely got more belly than I had when we first started the bump pictures!
I have another tracker, Ovia Pregnancy, set up to compare Anika’s size to toys and game pieces instead of food. It’s the only tracker I have where you can modify what the comparison is. The rest just use fruits and veggies. This week I was so stoked by what the comparison was that I had to take a picture and share it. I guess since Anika is a girl, Wonder Woman would have been more fitting, but if my daughter decides she wants to be Batman, I’m cool with it. Batman is cool! And fully clothed!
Sunday David and I went to see the new Star Trek movie at the theatre. I’ve been feeling pretty good, and I’ve had more stamina lately, so it seemed like a good idea. The movie is two hours and two minutes long and by about an hour and a half in, I was done. Physically done. I was so uncomfortable in the seat and I couldn’t take enough pressure off my pelvis to be able to fully focus on the movie. I tried sitting as sideways in the seat as I could. It didn’t much help. That was a bit disappointing.
On Monday David worked from the office and I stayed home, worked on a crochet project (not Anika’s blanket yet) and then played some No Man’s Sky. David made dinner, and we had a quiet evening in.
Tuesday was my birthday! I’m now 34 years old. That’s crazy to think about, I really don’t feel 34 years old. I spent the day with my sister Eva, we went to IKEA for a while and I enjoyed just walking around and looking at stuff. I had thought I wanted to eat lunch there, but when we got close enough to smell the food, my nose said NO! I think I found a dresser for Anika, but I’ll have to go back with David and let him check it out before I can say for sure. We are still set on not actually buying stuff for Anika until after Halloween. But we’re thinking and planning and that feels good.
After IKEA, Eva and I went to Red Lobster for lunch, and then we picked up some waxing supplies to help me deal with the fact that I’ve become a Wookie. I don’t trust myself to stand in the shower and shave my legs because my balance is so off these days, and I’m not allowed to have a bath, so my legs are scary hairy, and I just don’t have the motivation to deal with my facial hair caused by PCOS. So, waxing!
When we got back to my place, Eva’s husband Tom and their two girls, La and Zy were there to wish me a happy birthday. The girls were up on the couch playing Just Dance. hey are so tiny that that’s the only way the Kinect can pick them up. After a quick visit, they were on their way and after that David gave me a birthday present. He got me a belly support band to hopefully help me with the pressure I feel and to help my back support Anika as she grows as well. He also got me a full set of crochet hooks as well! It’s something I have wanted for a while. I have a hodge podge of hooks and it can be pretty difficult to find the right size for a new project. I have moe than one of some sizes and NONE of other sizes. Now I have pretty much all the sizes and an awesome purple case to put them in! He also got me a collection of 50 guitar picks in assorted colours/designs and weights for when I play Rocksmith. I only had one pick before and I have probably spent more time searching for the pick than playing the game!
David took me out to the Keg for dinner. I felt pretty spoiled! I had steak and veggies (no broccoli… Broccoli is evil and un-swallowable) and a Shirly Temple, and I had a Creme Brulee for desert. Oh, it was delicious!
Wednesday morning, David got up to get ready for work and I was vaguely aware of that before I dozed back asleep. I was arriving on the scene of an accident. My heart was pounding in my ears and hot tears were on my face. I took in the scene before me. Our red Forte was a total write off. The hood of the car was under one of those big pickup trucks with the extened cabs and the double wheels on the back. The truck was black and had hit our car on the driver’s side and run up the hood, smashing the windshield. I could smell gas and smoke. There were police and witnesses standing around and I heard someone say that the driver of the truck was definitely at fault. I tried to ask a few different cops for information on David, where was he? Was he okay? And no one would tell me anything. I woke with a panic and jumped out of bed hoping David was still home. He was! I hugged him and cried. I told him he needed to drive super safely and watch out for pickup trucks. He said okay and continued getting ready for work. I became more worried the closer David got to leaving. I couldn’t let him go alone. I was convinced the dream was a premonition, that if he got in the car alone, he was going to end up in this accident. I begged him to stay home, to call in sick or call in crazy pregnant wife. He had to go, but he said that if I got ready quickly I could ride with him and spend the day at my sister Mary’s. I agreed to that, and only cried a little bit more in the car. I was still a little weepy and shaken up by the time I got to Mary and Bill’s house. I talked to my brother in law Bill for a while and he calmed me down. Then I went and had a nap. If I dreamed at all I didn’t remember it and that was perfectly fine by me!
After I picked David up, he told me that he’s had a recurring dream about getting hit by a big dark grey truck, but he always wakes up before the impact. He didn’t want to tell me that in the morning, and he was hesitant to tell me it that evening too. But he did, and it weirded me out. There were differences, the colours of the trucks were slightly different and his accident happened on a busy city or town intersection whereas mine happened at an intersection in the country. But still, it gave me the creeps.
That evening we met up with my cousin Heather and her man Ryan for dinner. It was Heather’s birthday and they had spent the day dealing with car trouble and unfortunately car drama as well. but we managed to have a very nice dinner and there was plenty of smiles and some laughter. It was super nice getting to visit with them. Heather and I both got special birthday deserts. Brownies with icecream
Thursday I went out with my friend Megan and her brand new baby girl. We went shopping for maternity clothes and post-maternity clothes. I picked out two shirts and I think they’ll look even better as my belly continues to grow. I like that they are both long enough to cover my bum when I wear leggings. It was a nice outing, and really great hearing about Megan’s experiences as a new first time mom. Holding Baby-E was also a very special joy. I look forward to Anika and Baby-E becoming friends. That night my sister Becky stopped by with a book for me, she stayed for a quick visit and then she had to go. I was pretty much glued to the couch while she was here. I’d had a pretty active week and I was spent. I needed some serious lie down time!
Friday I had to go to Service Canada to get some money stuff sorted out. I dread dealing with Service Canada because it’s a lot of waiting and a lot of hoop jumping to try and get the help you need, and usually the people aren’t that friendly or helpful and I leave more frustrated than I was when I got there. This trip was the exception to the rule! The wait was short, the lady was friendly and helpful and conversational and compassionate and understanding of my situation and solved my problem efficiently! I was shocked!
That night David and I went out with two of my best friends, Aim and Sarah and their men. On the way to meet up with them, David’s and my wedding song came on the radio, I tried to sing along but I couldn’t sing through my tears. David tried to help me by reminding me it isn’t a sad song, but I wasn’t sad! I was just remembering our wedding day and all the preparation leading up to it and how awesome my husband is and my face just couldn’t hold back the love! We went to the Mandarin. This was only my third time at the Mandarin and I like it, but this mandarin was huge! With birds, and aquariums and a waterfall. We ate until we were stuffed and talked and visited. It was a wonderful evening and Sarah and I both got to wear hats and have special deserts and have Happy Birthday sung to us. The desert was a strawberry shortcake type thing, but I much preferred the deserts I picked out from the buffet. The staff also took a group shot of us, that Sarah and I each got a copy of as fridge magnets. This is a picture David took. I look much more sane in the group shot. On our way out we got cotton candy, which began to melt in the wind because of the humidity in the air. It was still tasty though.
For a long week, this week went really fast and was filled with a lot more happiness and distractions than with worry. throughout the week Anika proved to continue to be a super active baby with a lot of movements I can feel. David has been wonderful, he’s been so patient with me as I have started off pretty much every morning with tears, either for good reasons or just because my face can’t hold them in anymore. David has also talked to Anika every day this week, as her ears are now fully formed and she’s able to hear some noises now. He puts his face right on my belly and talks in his deep voice because lower sounds are more likely to register with her at this point than higher sounds. I love the way he is forming a bond with her. I know it’s not easy, because she is still an intangible concept to him, He can’t feel her yet, he can’t hold her, he can only see her on the ultrasound. She’s changing my body, she makes her presence known by her movements, and by how differently my body feels and acts. I wish sometimes that David and I could switch so that he could feel her, so that he could get to know her the way that I am.