We met with Doctor C on December 18, and firmed up a plan for dealing with my infection; she even typed it up and printed a copy of it for us. As well as prescriptions to take before we start trying and another to take one I get a pee-stick-positive.
We were given a firm date of January 31st for my transabdominal cerclage surgery. Which was smack right in the middle of my third week of semester 2. We met with Doctor A again on January 17, and it involved going over the details of the surgery again, and me signing release forms.
In Toronto there is a stretch of University Avenue between Dundas and College where several hospitals are grouped together: Sick Kids, Princess Margaret, Mount Sinai, and Women’s College hospitals are scattered across the city blocks with different wards in different buildings. Even though my surgeon and MFM both work out of Mount Sinai, my surgery would be done at Women’s College Hospital, and after meeting with doctor A we went to Women’s College Hospital to meet with a nurse there and get info on how to prepare for surgery and what to expect agree surgery.
Honestly, once the whole plan was in motion and dates were firmed up, and papers were given, I tried to be brave on the outside and spent a lot of time and energy on making sure I had accommodations for school. But that was actually a cover for a lot of fear and doubt. I couldn’t really think about surgery too much, because I was so afraid that I was making a mistake. I felt like I was going crazy. I knew that we had a plan that addressed all my issues and that if David and I are going to take home a baby in a car seat instead of an urn, these are the steps we need to take. But what if that’s not The Plan?
I was supposed to get my period before the surgery. But due to stress, or due to PCOS or due to stress and PCOS, that period didn’t come. The Saturday and Sunday before the surgery I prayed. I asked God to give me my period that weekend if I wasn’t supposed to get the TAC. When my period didn’t come, I finally felt a sense of calm about the surgery.
We drove to Erin after my classes on Tuesday and it was a long drive. We we’re stuck behind a snow plow, going 50kph on the 401 from Kingston to Napanee. Between the setting sun and evening rush hour traffic in Toronto it was a slog to get to Erin.
We were welcomed with open arms when we got to my sister Mary and brother in law Bill’s place. And we figured out how early we have to leave to get to the hospital in downtown Toronto for 9:45am. After visiting for a bit, we went to bed.
It was just before 6am when David and I both decided to give up on trying to sleep and decided to head into Toronto a little earlier than we had planned.
We were on the road before the sun came up, I felt like I was standing at the top of a battlement with an army approaching, knowing that I was in the most defendable place possible, but that soon there would be pain.