First of all, I think the way they number the weeks of pregnancy is dumb. When I ovulated Bee was already two weeks along in terms of pregnancy dating. I get why they did it that way before they could pinpoint ovulation. It’s easy to pinpoint the start of a period, so count from there. That’s the reproductive reset, and the baby happens after the reset. Cool. But now we know that ovulation occurs two weeks after the start of a woman’s cycle, give or take a few days, as long as her reproductive system works properly. So unless there are known issues, why don’t they just take the first date of the period, chop off two weeks and then taa daa the pregnancy starts at ovulation/conception!
Based on my cycle, Bee’s due date should be January 18th… But I didn’t ovulate right away because PCOS and drugs, so based on my ovulation date our due date is actually January 26th. That’s a week and a day difference. That’s a big jump in early pregnancy. In either case, the day we found out from the doc that my first blood test confirmed that I’m pregnant. I was officially 4 weeks 0 days pregnant, even though Bee had only been in existence for two weeks!
But I digress…
The day we found out that Bee was really here, we told everyone. In the week since then I have found myself comparing this pregnancy to Lily’s. I’m definitely feeling different with this little one than I did with her! I’m not nearly as bloated, but I’ve also had wicked acid reflux that I didn’t have with Lily. I try not to think of which pregnancy felt better at this point, but I can’t help it. Then I feel guilty because physically I think I’m feeling better this time, but emotionally I think I felt better last time. This time there’s this cloud of worry even though I choose to focus on the good.
At 4w3d (Sunday) I decided to take another home pregnancy test because the others had been so faint, and I guess I was still not convinced that we were really getting this second chance at parenthood.
I was quite happy to see such a dark line! I think it started to ease my worry about this pregnancy failing early.
On Tuesday (4w5d), I went to the fertility clinic again to see Doctor H, and get more blood tests done. Doctor H gave me a prescription for Zantac for my wicked heartburn and acid reflux and she also gave me a letter to give to work with what modifications she’d like them to make for me, given the high risk nature of this pregnancy. I am really thankful to have it written out exactly what I can and can’t do. I know with Lily I definitely didn’t know what “take it easy” was supposed to look like, and I don’t think I took it easy enough. So having these guidelines makes me feel like it will be easier to “take it easy” for Bee.
In the afternoon, I got a call from the clinic about my hormone levels. My HCG was good, it had been 125 on Thursday when we got confirmation that I am preggers and by Tuesday it was 1007. I used an online HCG doubling calculator and determined that mine is doubling about every 30 hours. Different websites say that it should double either every 31-72 hours or every 48-72 hours. Either way, I’m happy that my body and Bee are making more than enough of this. Especially because my progesterone numbers weren’t so great. On Thursday my progesterone was at a healthy 29.6, but on Tuesday it had dropped to 21.9. That averages out to losing almost two points a day. For women with PCOS, it’s not abnormal to have difficulty maintaining a good healthy progesterone level. I had to be on progesterone with Lily too, from seven weeks to thirteen weeks. It’s not that my progesterone is dangerously low right now, but they just want to keep it as close to thirty as possible because that’s best. I knew I’d be on progesterone for the first trimester this time around too. That’s been part of the plan since we discussed with the OBGYN the possibility of trying again. I just didn’t think we’d be starting so early.
Progesterone is what I like to think of as the sticky hormone. It keeps the placenta sticking to the uterine wall. Without progesterone the pregnancy could fall apart. The mom’s body is supposed to control the progesterone levels, and then at ten weeks the placenta starts making its own progesterone and it takes charge of staying sticky. A dangerously low number for progesterone is under ten, so my numbers are still good, though thirty or above is ideal. With Bee and me, it’s the downward trend that is the bigger issue.
Tuesday evening, I spent time with a friend of mine who had her baby April 30th. Our due dates had been 4 weeks apart. I spent the better part of the visit cuddling her tiny girl. I felt grief that I didn’t get to hold Lily like that, but I was so thankful that my friend had her little girl safe at home. She has suffered more than her fair share of losses as well, and talking with her about Bee, and about Lily, was really good. She said that what I have been through will change the way I look at this pregnancy, and the way I look at parenthood. I will have an appreciation even in the toughest parts that parents who haven’t suffered a loss will never know. I know she’s right because I can already feel it. I love every little cramp. I would so much rather be breathing fire throughout this entire pregnancy than not have little Bee with me. Holding my friend’s little girl I was so thankful for that little life, so thankful for her stretches and squawks. Babies are such amazing things!
Wednesday was 4w6d. I actually have been losing count of the days this pregnancy, which I don’t think I ever did with Lily. Bee and I started on progesterone today and after I take it I have to lie down for fifteen to thirty minutes. I have to admit that I like the mandatory down time. I know that I have to make cooking Bee my priority and I am thankful for both the progesterone and my modifications at work because they give me permission I sometimes find hard to give myself to give my body the rest it needs to give Bee the best of me that I can.